F***, Marry, Kill
So, f***, marry, kill, for those who are unaware, is a very long and complicated game. It’s going to take me a while to explain, but here we go. So basically, I get three players, and I have to pick one to f***, one to marry, and one to kill. Okay so maybe it’s a little more straightforward than I thought. Anyways, for the purpose of basketball, the one who I want to marry is the best, the one who I f*** is next, and well, if you die, you suck. I’m going to keep it to two scenarios here, but if this is popular, it’ll be back in the future.
LeBron James, Kawhi Leonard, Giannis Antetokounmpo
Marry - Kawhi Leonard
My guy is coming off an NBA Finals run, so I kind of have to pick him, right? He’s the best defender in the NBA, one of the most clutch players in the NBA, and causes the least possible drama off the court. He’s a living, breathing meme and I’m ready to tie the knot.
F*** - LeBron James
It was tough for me not to marry LeBron, but for now it’s going to have to be a one night stand. He needs to come back and prove to me that he’s the same LeBron James as always before I can commit to a long-term relationship. But hey, if he can do this, I might have to switch up my decision real soon.
Kill - Giannis Antetokounmpo
Imagine having to kill the reigning NBA MVP. This was rough, but the two guys ahead of him are just better NBA players right now, in my opinion. Giannis would win almost any other version of this game, but for now, he’s going to have to go.
Kyrie Irving, Kemba Walker, A gatorade bottle
Marry - Kemba Walker
Kemba Walker is about to have his best NBA season ever. He’s an absolute animal and now that he has a group of competent guys around him, he can thrive. Throughout his entire career, he’s played with a bunch of absolute trash cans. I would elope with Kemba in a heartbeat.
F*** - A gatorade bottle
I think a gatorade bottle brings a lot to the game. It provides fuel, keeps people energized, and refreshes the entire team. It is always on the sideline waiting to help out when you need it. A great gatorade bottle is just what I want on the team. It’s easily my second choice.
Kill - Kyrie Irving
Kyrie Irving is a conceded, self-involved, useless excuse for a basketball player. He only cares about his own career, and only wins when he has an all-time great on his team. He’s going to go into Brooklyn and ruin the team’s chemistry, completely destroying everything they’ve worked for over the past few years. At least a gatorade bottle helps the team in some way.
